Nextdoor & Artificial Unintelligence

Nobody Cares About Your Package

& Alexa burns herself

For purposes of this story, imagine this dog is named Floyd. Photo by Rebecca Campbell on Unsplash.

First, let me have a little rant before I start going on about how I woke up cranky this morning and ended up arguing with my Alexa.

Nextdoor Rant Here↓ Your Ring Camera is Useless

Nextdoor lurkers, STOP, just STOP posting blurry Ring videos of porch pirates making off with packages from your deliveries.

We, your neighbors, don’t feel sorry for you.

Read the comments. When you read, “Consider having your packages delivered to an Amazon locker,” know that as your neighbors we are all thinking: Get them delivered to a locker or to the UPS office, dumbass!

Or, go to the store, buy your items and take them home with you — and don’t leave them in the car in the back sea…never mind. You are hopeless. Move to the country.

In fact, we, your neighbors, are getting together at Happy Hour at the Brewpub down the street to mock you.

Of course, we can’t say this online, because we might get kicked off Nextdoor, and then what are we going to do when our dog — let’s just call him Floyd — slips out the door when we are using the tracker app and opening our own door seventeen…